These Apps Solve Problems That Don’t Exist

There are lots of awesome apps that solve niggling problems many of us have. A good banking app is indispensable. Google Maps in your pocket? Awesome. Sending money to the other side of the planet instantly? No problem. And yet, there is a frenzy of apps that solve problems that…frankly don’t exist. Yours truly has gone to the deeps of the app store to find some of these ridiculous apps. Check them out below:

Umbrella

Did you watch the pixar movie Wall-E? In the movie you find that all humans have gone aboard a giant galactic cruise ship that does everything for them. They don’t even have to walk. After some years of living on this ship, all the humans have become fat, utterly disabled blobs of flesh and laziness. I feel like Umbrella is just another step to a similar dystopian future for society. Umbrella solves the age-old problem of deciding whether or not to take your umbrella out with you. The two dollar app opens up and gives you a straight up yes or no. And some weather text. And a picture. What happened to…you know…looking out the window?

Yo.

Yo gained widespread infamy after finding out that the company who made it secured rather a lot of funding despite it’s simplistic premise: You load the app with your favorite Yo app users, at which point you can pick any of them and they will get a notification saying Yo. That’s it. You can’t customize the message, send pictures, or do any of that other fancy stuff that “complicated” messaging apps can do. It’s like poking on Facebook, but with even less relevancy.

Also, yes, that is the real app icon up there. The app might fool you into thinking they’re hip to the trend of flat design aesthetics, but I’m calling shenanigans and saying it’s just out of pure laziness.

Tiiny

Another photo sharing app? Oh boy! The idea of Tiiny is that you take a photo or video and submit it through this app, at which point everybody gets to see a tiny (tiiny, get it?) version of it on the feed. No enlarging. No saving. Everything gets deleted after 24 hours. I don’t know about you, but I feel like Instagram photos are small enough. I just don’t feel up to squinting to see mediocre-at-best iPhone pictures from people you don’t even know.

Sup

Continuing the trend of useless apps named after colloquial greetings, Sup lets you connect to your friends’ cameras so that you can see what they’re seeing. You can even tell them to turn a certain way using on screen controls so you can see what you want. BRB while I connect with my girlfriend and tell her to point down…down…down…

Wait, hold on, what was wrong with FaceTime or Skype?

3nder

I’ve saved the best for last, because I’m still not one-hundred percent convinced this is a real thing. And I’m not going to download this free app to find out.

So…I guess the point of this app is kinda like Tinder on steroids. Using 3nder (we’re still not sure how you actually say that) you find other people who would like to participate in a consensual threesome. And I guess in an attempt to “encourage people to meet offline” (and probably get an STD) the app limits you to talking to the other two people in your group for three days. After that time you have to fork over money to continue talking.